* RAVEN ON THE MOON *
In a place where you know everyone secretly judges you bu its your source of resources so you gotta toughin up lil puppy and be a big bitch for once
I was wondering along the creeky dark occasionally lit pier at sometime around midnight or just past that, Singing melodies of tunes i couldnt get out of my head, I was also high on meth. Hadnt slept for a day and just wanted to find something…anything…Something told me to come there, the beach…even though i hated that one in particular…it was something about the night time atmosphere, something about the water on that side of town…how dark and mysterious it got, the tweakers that minded their buisness, the quiet, empty streets that never seemed eerie…just satisfied…I wondered the whole pier until i reached the end of it where i just stood crying…for a moment i prayed but then i told myself “just keep singing you’ll find whatever youre looking for..Its here I know it” and i hadnt know what it was until i reached the stairs near the ice cream shop and the merry go round, you were sitting there.. picking at your toe, you fucked it up pretty bad playing basket ball (atleast thats what you told me) to the point where it was practically gonna fall off and had asked me if i could help, my reaction wasnt the best because i fucking HATE feet. I cant stand them! So i told you that and walked away but i threw in a challenging yell… “BY THE WAY YOURE VERY HANDSOME”, You stood up and yelled back “SO GIVE ME A CHANCE?” you could hear the excitement in your voice, like a kid who just got everything he wanted on christmas. I turned and warned you that i ruin lives or specifically “That my pussy ruins lives” and you didnt care. I dont know what it was…Those eyes…the way you wore your hat, your inviting look, that little bit of texas accent, that shirt that i loved so much Or maybe it was the ocean, and the night, maybe we were just both really fucking high or maybe it was the fact that our hearts could tell that we just… fucking needed someone to let our gaurd down to that night. But we just blamed it on the fact that we’re both scorpios. I could tell you were delirious by the time we reached the bench at the end of the walk way were the ocean meets the sand, We still talked for HOURS that night. As you cleaned out your bag and old me about your ex and all your pains and troubles and worries. We held hands, As i kept you warm giving you my sweaters. You talked, I listened, because thats what i do, I dont get close. I never do. I never did. I felt you that night though, even though we didnt kiss, we just hugged. and kept hugging, and i remember that spark, it kept hititing me. was it lust? love? belonging? trust? I hadnt known. But that feeling never came back after awhile. I feel like every now and then..I wish i could feel it now….I miss it….Could i have it back? I wouldnt ever know.
-The Rabbit Hole
When i reached over to touch that warm blooded hand of yours, you didnt jump like you had before, you didnt even move. You kinda just slightly turned your head in that curious way you do, as if you were asking “How?”, “How could a girl like you…stick around a guy like me,” and i looked at you… the way you say i do, you know, when my eyes trace your face, like im trying to read your mind, I can, And I knew you were gone this time. Ive lost you. But i just glaze my eyes over the dying orangish pink sky infront of us instead, watching the waves crash like small collisions. The large black birds cawing, gliding towards the north where the glowing purple farris wheel spun on the edge of the pier. The breeze hit, it began to grow blistering cold, the same as the silence between us, you hand slowly slipped away as tears dripped down my blushing cheek. Thats how the summer ended, even colder than it had started. I dont know if i searched for it as we sat there or if it just crept into my vision but for some reason I could see into right into that deep black ocean, like a fade in to a movie scene, how it all began…
-The Rabbit Hole
by me
The grass turned brown,
The flowers were dying,
The air got colder,
It almost seemed like winter in June
Or fall in July,
And I think that’s why…
Why everybody felt the way they did
There wasn’t a soul outside singing with the bees
No kids in the playground on tires tied to trees
No rushing bicycles or childrens laughter
Just the silence of empty hearts and lost minds,
The chillin feel that nothing ever mattered
That was the way the summer started…
-the rabbit hole
by me
Falling back into a destructive mindset after being okay for a while is exhausting and upsetting.
(via hotboyproblems)